What if emotions weren’t enemies to be conquered but profound teachers, guiding us toward a deeper understanding of ourselves?
Writing about emotional intelligence is a timeless endeavour, one I’ll never tire of as I continue to rediscover myself. Recently, while scrolling through Instagram, I stumbled upon a video that stopped me in my tracks. It echoed a question I’ve often asked myself: Why do I feel like this? Why do I avoid discomfort, brush aside emotions I’d rather not confront, and pretend I’m okay when I’m not? Why does this emotion weigh heavily on my heart?
This reflection brought me here—to this space where thoughts flow freely, where transparency meets growth, and where the wisdom of emotions can unfold.
Lessons From a Mother’s Response
Before writing this, I witnessed a moment of raw emotional learning. My sisters were engaged in a heated conversation, which reminded me of something I overheard between a mother and her young child. The child was throwing a tantrum, struggling to express her frustration. Her mother’s response was a revelation. Calmly but firmly, she said, “I’m not responsible for how you feel.”
At first, the child grew more frustrated, seeking comfort and validation. But the mother wasn’t dismissing her emotions; she was teaching her daughter to navigate them—to own them. This moment resonated deeply. Imagine learning emotional intelligence at such an early age—understanding that while external factors might influence us, the power to interpret and navigate our emotions lies within, helping us to guard our peace. This empowered perspective shifted something in me.
A Society That Suppresses Emotion
We live in a world that glorifies positivity. Happiness, confidence, and joy are elevated as markers of success, while anger, fear, or loneliness are dismissed as weaknesses. It’s as if feeling bad somehow makes us bad. But here’s the truth: emotions are not the enemy. They are messengers, not to define us but to guide us to deeper truths about ourselves.
Yet, our culture trains us to suppress, deny, and distract ourselves from “negative” emotions. We mask pain with busyness, numb fear with consumption, and silence anger with politeness. I’ve been guilty of this too many times, but now I'm at a place where I recognise my actions—scrolling endlessly on social media or losing myself in Netflix binges to avoid discomfort. But every time we ignore an emotion, we miss out on its wisdom.
What if, instead of running from our feelings, we embraced them?
What if we gave ourselves permission to feel deeply, to sit with our discomfort, and to ask, “What is this emotion trying to tell me?
The wisdom in the shadows:
Anger reveals where your boundaries have been crossed. It asks you to stand up for what you truly value.
Grief honours what has been lost. It teaches you about love, impermanence, and resilience.
Shame uncovers areas where you’ve strayed from your authenticity. It invites you to reconnect with your truth.
Fear highlights the edge of your comfort zone. It signals that growth lies just ahead.
Regret nudges you to reflect on your choices. It’s a chance to realign with your deeper intentions.
Disappointment reveals the gap between expectation and reality. It teaches you to adjust and persevere.
Anxiety surfaces unresolved tensions. It urges you to address what’s been left unspoken.
Sadness points to what you deeply care about. It reminds you of what truly matters.
Loneliness highlights a longing for connection. It reminds you to nurture meaningful relationships, including the one with yourself.
Jealousy shows you what you desire. It reveals unfulfilled dreams or aspirations worth pursuing.
Frustration indicates where you feel stuck. It signals the need for change or a new approach.
Learning to Listen
My former manager dropped a pearl of wisdom and shared with me that "emotions doesn't solve anything". The truth is, emotions don't last forever, even though we are aware of this we sometimes act impulsively. They come in waves, rising and falling, leaving behind lessons if we’re brave enough to pay attention.
The next time you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, try this:
Pause. Stop trying to fix it or push it away.
Acknowledge. Name the feeling without judgment.
Ask. What is this emotion teaching me?
Respond. Act on the wisdom it offers.
For example:
When anger flares, ask, “What boundary has been crossed?”
When fear grips you, ask, “What am I afraid to face?”
When sadness lingers, ask, “What is it that I truly miss or value?”
Time Is Relative: An Invitation to Reflection
What if the emotions you’ve been avoiding hold the key to your next breakthrough?
What if feeling your feelings—all of them—is the most courageous act of self-love you can offer yourself?
Our emotions are not a burden. They are not weaknesses. They are guides, pointing us toward growth, healing, and understanding.
Don’t ignore how you feel. Don’t hand over responsibility for your emotions to others. You are not powerless in the face of your feelings—you are the one who can unlock the wisdom they hold. So, let’s stop running. Let’s stop numbing. Let’s start listening. Because every emotion carries a lesson, and those lessons just might change your life.
So, the next time you feel anger, regret, or even shame, try sitting with it. Ask yourself:
What triggered this feeling?
What is it revealing about me or my situation?
How can I grow from this experience?
It’s not about wallowing or overanalyzing—it’s about acknowledging the emotion, learning from it, and moving forward with greater clarity.
God first loved us so I hope we can heal and love ourselves with His guidance, not by the world's standards.
Be Encouraged and Be Blessed!
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